Saj Tumbelog

Here’s a omegle.com conversation I had and saved when everyone was having and saving omegle.com conversations back in early April. It was with a German boy:

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You: Who are you?

Stranger: i am heinrich

You: Ah, Heinrich

You: a pleasure to finally meet you

You: please, sit

You: Heinrich, I have a matter of great import to discuss with you

You: I’m sure I have your discretion?

Stranger: describe

You: First, assure me that you can maintain a secrecy of the highest order

Stranger: i am

You: Okay good

Stranger: tell me

You: You see, Heinrich, on the twelfth day of this month a lunar event will occur

You: of a magnitude we haven’t seen in several millenia

Stranger: what event?

Stranger: oh thats shit

You: The moon, roughly speaking, will fart

Stranger: what the fuck

You: You see, Heinrich, about once every three to four thousand years, the Earth’s moon develops a rupture along its longitudinal axis

You: From this rupture leaks a sometimes odious collection of cosmic gases

You: The importance of this specific event, and the reason I asked for your secrecy is this

Stranger: yes

You: A consortium of Western governments is in a race against a Sino-Russian alliance to collect samples of said cosmic gas in a chamber for transportation back to Earth to be studied

Stranger: i think

You: This gas, Heinrich, could change the course of history…

Stranger: you are a fucking gay?

You: Not gay, Heinrich, just an astrophysicist who cares a little too much about the fate of his planet

Stranger: you fuck your mother?

You: Heinrich, please

You: This is no time for jokes

You: We have less than a fortnight to make the necessary arrangements

You: and I fear the Chinese are one, if not two, steps ahead of us…

You: If they are… may our Christian God have mercy on our souls

Stranger: i love your mother

You: So, Heinrich, the choice is yours. Can I count on your help?

You: HEINRICH THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES

Stranger: ah okay sorry

Stranger: sire?

Stranger: i think you need help

You: Apology accepted

You: Yes, Heinrich

Stranger: because you are a gay and you laber scheisse

You: Heinrich, I don’t speak German but I know what scheisse means

You: I do NOT condone cursing

Stranger: lol

Stranger: youre so funny

Stranger: i love you

You: Heinrich, this is not time to get emotionally invested

You: We have a very serious mission

Stranger: achso

Stranger: i forgot

Stranger: you can verzeih mir?

Stranger: are you from scientology?

You: Would that color your opinion of me, Heinrich?

You: What if I told you I was a Jew, Heinrich

You: How would that make you feel?

Stranger: what means jew?

You: You know, Jew, Yid, Heeb.

Stranger: i am from germany, my english is not the best

Stranger: type faste man

Stranger: faster

Stranger: man!!

You: okay, okay, relax dude

You: Sorry, I can’t keep this up

You: Heinrich, you’ve bested me

You: There is no moon fart

Stranger: do you have icq?